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Change? Why Do That?


When do you get so sick and tired, so fed up with where you are in life that you decide it’s time to step away, time to make a change? So many of us are “stuck in a rut” we become comfortable being there, used to the situation. We don’t really enjoy “the rut” but we “know” it, are familiar with it, so much so that we would sooner DIE in the rut then venture out to actually LIVE! I’ll be the first to admit that change is scary, it’s an unknown. I knew, I KNEW I needed to change. The drugs and the alcohol created something; someone I didn’t like. Staying up all night getting high while my parents were in the next bedroom. All I could think about was how and where to get more.

So how do you change from wanting to die, wishing you were dead, to wanting to live? There is only one thing to change. AND THAT’S TO CHANGE EVERYTHING! You have to change your mentality. Zig Ziglar said it best-get rid of that “stinkin’ thinkin’!” Our mindset is the first and most important thing to change. For some of us, that means seeking professional mental health services. We need help exploring the issues both the conscious and the subconscious that invade our thoughts. If you’re like me and suffer from major depression, not only do we need to work on our mental health, but medicine might be required. It wasn’t until I was able to get things balanced out chemically in my head that I was ready to start on my issues. For so long I’d self-medicated with alcohol. Then when I started to smoke crack, it just made things that much worse. Anthony Trucks talks about “making a shift”. You have to make a complete 180 in your way of thinking. No, it won’t be easy, nothing that is valuable in life is, but if you desire, you can change, it’s all up to you-just like everything is.

The next thing that you need to work on to make a change is focus on your spirituality, spirit, faith. I don’t care what religious beliefs you have, or if you’re agnostic or an atheist. I believe that religion is for people who believe in hell, spirituality is for the ones of us who have been in hell. In 12 step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous Step 2 says that “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We came to BELIEVE that a POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES could restore us to SANITY. Step 3 states we “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him”. We Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god-higher power-as we understood him-or her. These are the hardest two steps for recovery in my opinion. A belief in God? What? Nope, the beliefs I had about God were not for me- a being sitting in judgement of me? Only loving me if I behaved/ acted in a certain way? NOPE! But, BUT a God of my own understanding? I don’t care if you believe in God or not. BUT I believe there is a higher power, a universal life force, something beyond our human consciousness, our human understanding that connects not only all human beings, but all sentient beings and even the rocks, trees, water, etc. Something greater than humans caused this world to form, the universe to form. There is something beyond our realm of consciousness, our understanding. Find something greater than yourself to believe in. It will change your life. What I was searching for, what I desired, what I needed-especially unconditional non-judgmental love, I was able to find in the rooms of 12-stecp recovery. It is truly a spiritual experience.

So far, I’ve looked at 2 out of the 3 major areas that we as humans must, MUST focus on if we what to experience change, have growth in our lives. We have to get right mentally, we have to have some sort of spiritual awakening, and third, we have to improve our physicality. This is the hardest one for me at the moment. After I had major surgery on my right ankle/ foot in 2017, all the weight loss and physical stamina I had been working on went kaput- broken and useless; no longer working or effective. I was non-weight bearing for over a year. I am now struggling to get back the weight that I’d lost up until that point and improving my endurance and mobility. It’s a long journey but I will get there. Not only do we need to build up/ keep up our strength and stamina, but along with that, we have to eat right, dammit. I hate, HATE that idea, but it has to be done. I. LIKE. FOOD. AND. EATING. No, I LOVE FOOD AND EATING. In my mind, a serving size is the whole package of Oreos. Ok, we’re going to order pizza you say? Well, I’ll take a large with the works on it, I don’t know what y’all are having. Trying to tell the person with an addictive personality to “practice’ moderation is like trying to herd cats. One of my favorite cookbooks was by Dom DeLuise “Eat This, It’ll Make You Feel Better”. Food as medicine? What? I think it’s a true philosophy but just like being prescribed medicine, you don’t take it all at once. So, don’t eat the ENTIRE BAG OF CHIPS ALL AT ONCE! What. Who me? If you’re an emotional eater, one who uses food to feel better, you might need to get help with your addiction. Yep, you have an addiction to food. And ask yourself, are you eating to live or living to eat. But for me to stay grounded, to have balance in all 3 areas-Mental, Spiritual, Physical-I know what I have to do. And I started the first of August. I have since lost 8+ pounds. Plus, physical activity will help improve your mental state.

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